Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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