I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
