I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
