Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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