his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you inspire me to be a worse person
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
