Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
