Betty ford says i'm here all night
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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