dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
