I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
