A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
