shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize