i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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