I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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