my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
