went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
