Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
