he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
