My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
