haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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