My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize