The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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