i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
