Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
