he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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