Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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