I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize