So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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