This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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