I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize