google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
