So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
