addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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