I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize