The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
