Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
two words...techno handjob
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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