Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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