i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
