Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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