i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
