Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
