allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
