I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
