Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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