Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
