someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
