Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
