i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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