What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
