i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
