I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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