It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
