He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
