We're facebook friends in real life
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
