Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
