Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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