Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You are the jesus of drinking
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
