It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
