Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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