This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
