i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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