if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
