You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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