Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
