i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Congratulations! We have a period
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
