So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
