Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
