he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
