He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
