He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
