did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
