Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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