What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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