If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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