Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
