I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
