i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want her autograph on my taint
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
