Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
