dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
