I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
