Will you blow on my dice?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
