the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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