shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
