Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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