Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
