Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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