Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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