sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
