How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
