the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize