the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
