Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he thought i was a dude.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
