i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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