I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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