we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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