I am puke
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
