Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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