They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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