I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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