ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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