I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
